The Younger Me
As I’m getting older, I find my mind mulling over the past, from time to time, and thinking about how my life has turned out. I’m fairly sure that there is not one aspect of my life today ,that is as I thought it would be, when I was 21. I’ve just chosen the age of 21, as a point of reference. I did have plans for the future, but thinking back to that time, I remember myself as being very confident that the future would turn out exactly as I wanted it. I wasn’t a confident person, but I was confident about what my future would look like.
My values are still the same, but most of my interests today, differ from my interests at age 21. I hadn’t discovered exercise, or the need to care for my health. If you had told me then, that exercise and health, would form a vital part of my life, there is no way I would have believed you. At age twenty one I was married, but fast forward to now, I am no longer married. I knew then that I wanted three children, as to me, three seemed like a manageable sized family. I did have those three children, and I expected I would have them around me forever. I never would have imagined that after bringing up three children, I would have to then live my life, mostly without having them in my life.
At 21, I would never have though that I could walk over 1200k on the Camino, alone, at age 60. Actually at age 21, I wouldn’t have imagined still being alive at age 60! When I was younger, I had a huge amount of angst about myself. Most of the advice I would give my younger self comes from that lack of confidence.
Advice
- You are good enough. Ignore anyone who tells you that you are not.
- You don’t have to do it all
- You don’t have to be perfect
- Make plans, but recognise that they may have to change. Always have Plan B ready
- You are strong enough to survive alone
- Trust yourself and your instincts
- You do not have to justify yourself to anyone
- Do something every day that makes you happy
- Be confident in your choices
- Celebrate your victories
Most of the above pieces are advice are probably only obvious in hindsight, so I don’t beat myself up that I was in need of this advice when I was younger. I do wonder how my life may have turned out, if I had been given that advice at the time. Actually, I do think I have turned out okay, without the advice, and by flying by the seat of my pants most of the time.
Have you ever thought of the advice that you would give to your younger self?
This post is linked to Denyse’s Life This Week
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So much wisdom here Jen! Our younger selves are part of us still but sometimes feel like a complete stranger to how we’ve turned out. As you say the values are still there but things change along the way. Always great to read these reflective posts and you’re right you’ve turned out really well and nobody is perfect! #lifethisweek
Thanks Deb. I spent years aiming for perfection but know now that was ridiculous
Hi Jen, I would definitely have lots of advice for my younger self and you’ve covered some of the advice in your post. Unfortunately, hindsight is a wonderful thing so now I’m just trying to live life the best that I can with what comes my way. You’ve made me feel reflective today, thank you. xx #lifethisweek
If only we could have a little hindsight at 21 Sue. Could make life interesting
I thought I knew it all at 21 even though the truth is I still don’t know it all and I’m 50! I was lucky to have a wonderful mentor in my mum who always supported and guided me along the way. I can’t imagine I would have had any better advice and don’t regret any of my life choices. I don’t think I’ve ever thought about how my life would turn out, I literally fly by the seat of my pants! That said, you have given your younger self very sage advice – so wise in fact, it’s applicable at any age!
When I look back it’s obvious I knew very little at 21. Like you. Thought I knew it all.
A lovely set of guidelines to live by. We may not be so wise when we’re young, but it certainly feels more of an impressive place to be when we are older.
Not so sure I’m wise even now. I mainly just struggle on mostly
I find these really hard because, though I do regret some things I’ve done or not done, I realise life would have been quite different otherwise. And while I’m not happy with a lot of things in my life I’m unsure how the things I AM happy with, would be impacted otherwise.
But I definitely wish I’d lived more in the moment and worried less. That I’d been more confident, taken more risks and just lived life more fully.
Living in the moment, worrying less and confidence are a few areas that could have used advice on.
Funny you chose 21 as your “young” self Jennifer. I think back to those times too and I can see how much I’ve changed and grown – especially in the last 10 years. I thought my adult kids would play a bigger part in my life too, but distance certainly impacts on that. I think I would have run and hidden under a blanket if I’d known all the ups and downs that were in front of me, but you know what? They served their purpose to make me a much more tolerant and ‘deeper’ person than I’d have been if life had been cruisy and problem free. So, I guess the ups and downs balanced themselves out nicely – and yours seem to have as well.
I’m sure it’s best that we don’t know what’s coming. I wouldn’t have been able to handle what was in my future had I known.
Unfortunately, too many of the statements in your “advice” list I still need to hear now!
I’ve never thought back to myself at 21. I don’t think back then I had much future thinking/expectations at all. I do know around the age of 28, I decided I probably wouldn’t get married…. and then I did at age 31 (still married). Jointly we agreed probably no kids, and kept to that decision. I worked for the same company from age 21 until I retired. You have definitely made me think!
I do know that I heard some of the advice I’d give to others in mid-life and never took myself. But I still try and tell my younger friends – Don’t put work first, make sure you are taking care of yourself (exercise, check-ups, destress), have hobbies, know you are enough. Sometimes I think we just have to learn our own lessons/paths.
I agree with you. I’m sure I wouldn’t have taken notice of any advice given to me at 21.
Ah to have chosen 21….I recently discovered I could convert my old slides to images and many were from the age 20-21. I was happy, confident and knew I was in the right career and was about to marry the person I loved…and am still with..but oh my goodness, that 21 year old new Mum did go through a lot too.
I am sad yet glad to have seen the images and remembered ‘me’ back then and offer compassion to myself now, as whilst things might not have quite worked out they sure have been OK. Next week’s share my snaps has some of the images.
I think we all hope to see more of our adult kids (and for us too, adult grandkids) but they move on to managing their own lives. I am so sorry your life included the death of a child.
It’s been great to have your blog post linked up for the week on Life This Week.
Thank you so much. I look forward to seeing you next Monday too. The optional prompt is Sharing Your Snaps (photos).
And a big thank you for showing your appreciation for guest blogger, Mr Whelan, in 2021.
Take care, Denyse.
Thanks for your lovely comments Denyse. See you in on Monday.
Jennifer, You’ve given your younger self wise advice. I was confident and hard-working at age 21. I was at uni and enjoyed the friendships I made there. Thank you for linking up with #weekendcoffeeshare.
I was working hard at 21 also Natalie but had very little confidence.
Oh my, the fact that you chose 21 so resonates with me! I am only 35 now, but 21 was definitely a turning point for me in so many ways. If I had to choose one piece of advice to give myself at that age, it would have been “go to that treatment facility for autistics you’ve been offered”. It was far from a good placement, but maybe there they’d have recognized that I needed much more support than even I realized I needed at the time.
Isn’t hindsight wonderful Astrid.
A very good question. I have no idea what I’d tell 21 year old me. Probably I’d tell her that the guy I was dating would break my heart into so many pieces, but someone else would come along and look after it. As for the rest? I’d tell her to enjoy the ride.
Sounds like good advice there Jo.
I loved your post and your advice. I have a friend (she is in her 70’s) and she and her fiance just did the camino. Wow. I loved following her journey. Thank you for sharing.
Thanks for popping in Kirstin. Pleased you enjoyed the post.
I love the things that you’d tell your younger self. Don’t you wish we had this wisdom when we are younger? There’s so much pressure when we are young from different avenues and we get sucked in easily. It’s true that wisdom does come with age.
If only we had the wisdoms m in our early years before we really needed it