Early in January, I posted that My 2020 Word Of The Year is Values and listed my core values, that define who I am, and how I intend to live my life. This is the second in a series that will examine each of those core values.
Each day I like to check in with Craig Harper’s @whiteboardlessons on Instagram as I find them an inspiring way to kick off a new day. Craig speaks about core values on his podcast which I never miss.
My Need For Calm
In my previous life as a wife, mother, business owner, gym instructor and fitness leader, calmness did not feature prominently. To tell the truth, there was very little that was calm in my life in those days.
Our business was always very busy. We were the only business of our type in town and also in the surrounding area. Most days it was chaotic. We had that business for over thirty years and lived the chaos of it for the entire time. I worked full time, and handled all the admin, while my husband was the qualified technician.
Our two sons were apprenticed to us, which was a good thing all round. The only disadvantage to that was the work talk that came home every day. It was never ending – at the dinner table, in the commercial breaks when we were having family time while watching TV, over breakfast. It seemed that I was living the chaos all day and also in the evenings.
That was until I brought it to a stop. My daughter was very academic and not involved with the business, which has her always feeling left out. So I made a new rule – no talking about work at home.
This seemed to work most of the time, but not all the time.
While all this was going on, I was night time and weekend manager at the gym. This also involved working on the gym floor and leading fitness classes. This really was my dream job but there was so much chaos That went along with it. Most people wouldn’t realise The dramas that go along with a job like this. The chaos was caused by the constant loud music, the busy-ness of training more than one person at a time. There was so much rushing, and at the end of my shift I’d be exhausted. I loved this job dearly so was prepared to cope with the chaos that came with it.
However, as I’ve aged, I’ve discovered that chaos has a huge negative affect on me. It makes me nervous, and can even cause me to have heart palpitations. I can’t think straight and every problem seems to be much worse looking through a lense of chaos, than it actually is.
Bringing Calm Into My Life
Thirteen years ago, when my life fell apart, which I’ve written about many times on this blog, I told myself that no matter what the rest of my life looked like, I would ensure that there would be no chaos. I made it a priority to live a life of calm. By then, my children had moved away, so choosing a life of calm wasn’t so difficult.
Mostly, my life has been calm ever since. I’ve had my share of upsets but they haven’t disturbed my calm. I seem to have worked out how to make calmness my default situation. This has just occurred organically. I haven’t done any work or training, to ensure that I stay calm. I’m fairly sure that taking myself out of the chaos, has caused calm to show up in my life. These days I surround myself with people who don’t bring chaos to my life. I seem to be naturally attracted to those who share my core value of staying calm.
Other core value posts:Fitness is a Priority
My other blogs:Best Bookish Blog and Tracking Down the Family
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This year my normal level of juggling has stepped up a notch as I’ve taken on a committee role within the RWA – in addition to the day job and my writing. I’m finding that having even one simple every day routine can keep me anchored enough that I don’t go too far off-stream. That anchor at the moment is the daily 6am walk. It’s a little bit of calm before the day begins.
I love an early morning walk to start the day Jo. I’ve been missing that with my work hours. Good luck with your extra role and the juggling.
Hi Jennifer – you must have been crazy-busy in your younger days and I wonder if your mind and body have just reached the saturation point and are telling you “no more!”? I think slowing down and appreciating the moment that we’re in – rather than rushing on to the next pressing appointment – is so good for our heart and soul (and from there it moves to our physical and mental state). I love that I don’t feel like I’m under pressure any more (and my life was a LOT less full on than yours used to be!)
Thanks for linking up with us at MLSTL and I’ve shared on my SM 😊
I’m starting to hear the call to a slower life Leanne. Retirement is starting to sound possible. I’m sure you’re right about the burnout
Hi, Jennifer – This post deeply resonates with me. Like you, my work years were VERY BUSY and FILLED WITH DEMANDS. In my retirement, I intentionally strive to surround myself with people who don’t bring chaos to my life. Like you, I’m attracted to those who share my core value of staying calm. No wonder I like your blog so much! #MLSTL
Thank you so much for your lovely comments Donna. Here’s to a calm life for both of us
This really resonated with me. I used to feel really stressed working out in a gym or with a personal trainer. I thought I just needed to train harder so amped it up more and more until I nearly collapsed. I was diagnosed with a heart defect so that put an end my years of working out to that extent. I now walk my dogs daily in the fresh air. I find this calming, relaxing and very “calm”. For me, this is what I need to keep myself in a great headspace. I may not be as physically fit or have the really toned body I used to have, but I’m ok with that
Christina I’m sorry to hear about your heart defect but good that you have worked out how to manage while still staying fit. I think we all have to modify things as we age. I’m sure they recognising that and making changes that need to be made is Ageing positively. Some days a walk with my dogs is all I want to do also.
I admire you for finding that calm place Jennifer and for realising what chaos was doing to you. I’m now working hard at staying calm with all the other things my retirement has brought into my day to day! All the best for your calm ways to continue. Sharing for #mlstl
Deb I have heard that life gets super busy in retirement. Following your blog I’d say it’s true for you. Thanks again for popping in
I am definitely feeling a call to a calmer life. I have achieved that to a certain degree since my children are all grown and living on their own. Once I retire from teaching third grade in a few months I hope to reach another level of calmness. Good post. #MLSTL
I’m at about the same place as you. Thinking of retiring. It’s starting to look very tempting. Thanks for popping in
All that loud music would have sent me over the edge. Wow exercise classes loud music – your body is saying its time to slow down and relax. I took up darts and joined the committee and then the stress started creeping in. Im on another committee and the pressures of sending reports etc etc….I think this is the last year of those. Im retired and who wants all that stress. #MLSTL
I agree with you Bree. I think my body is starting to tell me it’s time to slow down a little. I was also in a committee a couple of years ago, president actually. It became very stressful so I stood down. I pick and choose very carefully now. Thanks for popping in again
Hi Jen, I love your focus this year and Calm is something that we all crave in our lives. I need structure and if I’m surrounded by too much noise and chaos I can’t function properly. I have been making a point of starting my day with a coffee and the ocean view from my balcony and then around 4:30pm doing a yoga practice. I’m finding I start my day and end my day with a sense of Calm and it seems to be working. Thanks for sharing and I would have loved the gym job! You’ve done so much in your life haven’t you. #inspirational Thanks for being part of #MLSTL and sharing your thoughts each week. Sharing on social media for you. xx
Hi Sue I dream of starting my days with calm. I should have said in the post that my early mornings are where calm doesn’t appear. Usually I jump out of bed, into the gym and then in the car with a coffee to drive almost 1 hour to work. That is not calm and I’m starting to look forward to it ending. Retirement is starting to sound good. Thanks for your lovely comments
I believe we weren’t created to have so much chaos so often like life tends to be these days. It’s fine at times and we can handle those moments but to have chaos everyday you start to stress your mind and body too much like you stated, you had heart palpitations.
It’s wonderful that you now can seek calm and live it!
~Allison
I agree with you Allison. Life is so much better now without the constant chaos
Hi Jennifer, thanks for sharing your core value of being calm. It sounds like, as you said, you’ve taken yourself out of situations that create the havoc and stress, and that goes a long way for any of us to keep our lives calmer and more satisfying. #MLSTL
Hi Candi taking ourselves out of chaotic situations, I’m sure is one of the keys to a calm and happy life. Thanks for dropping by
Jennifer I think we all need Calm in our life, it’s sounds as if you’ve had a very busy time in the past so I hope you’ve found some peace. Maybe sit and create that vision board, cutting up magazines is very therapeutic and calming.
Lorraine
#MLSTL
That’s a good tip Lorraine. I have been giving thought to the vision board lately. Thanks for dropping by
I’m with you, Jennifer, I require calm in my life. I have a sister that seems to thrive on chaos and is always going at top speed. That doesn’t work for me. I need quiet time mixed in with whatever else is going on in my life. I have also worked on the ability to calm myself in the midst of the chaos that life is bound to bring. Good for you on recognizing the value of calm and working to bring more into your life.
Christie it’s interesting that you mention trying to stay calm in the chaos. I always think that’s one of the keys to a happy life. I’m constantly working on it also.