July Memories
Two life changing events have occurred for me, during July. Every year, as July approaches, I feel my mood darkening. I can’t explain it really, but I feel the need to focus on remembering, as the month approaches. Usually, when I feel overwhelmed with memories, I’m able to compartmentalise them, and pop them to the side. But that’s just not possible for me in July, regardless of how hard I try. The sad memories of July are also entwined with happy memories, which I try my hardest to focus on.
Craig
My son, who passed away in 1995 was born on 14 July, 1977. Craig was my Bastille Day baby, born at 1.50 pm, on a very dark, stormy Friday, during a power outage. The hospital had a generator, but it wasn’t able to supply enough power to heat the entire hospital. As a result, it was freezing cold in the delivery room, and Craig turned blue immediately after being born. He was quickly sent to the premmie’s room and popped into a humidicrib. I really wish I had a photo today, of my 9lbs 12oz baby filling up every inch of that humidicrib.
My memories of Craig are very bittersweet. I feel happy and so very fortunate to have been able to have had my son for eighteen years, but then my mind turns to the sadness of losing him. It’s a very overwhelming and confusing feeling.
Unfortunately, due to our house fire, I have very few photos of Craig to show butthe photo below is one of my favourites.
Dad
My father passed away on 4 July, 2014, aged 88. At this great age, it’s not an unexpected death, but when it comes, it’s still very shocking and very sad.
My father was in hospital when I said goodbye to him, a few days before I left for the Camino de Santiago in Spain. I would be away for six weeks and I was hoping that he would recover, but I think I knew that this was my final goodbye. He was very weak when I left, but he insisted that I go, as I’d planned, and didn’t change my plans because he was ill.
Every day while I was walking the Camino, I was getting updates about Dad. It was never good news, and it came to the point about mid way, that I had to decide. If I was going to come home, I had to go immediately.
I thought long and hard, and decided to take the risk, and keep going, with fingers crossed that I would arrive home in time. I almost made it. Dad passed away just two days before the end. I arrived home two days before his funeral.
Image: @grievingmothers
2020@copyright. All rights reserved nextphaseinfitness.com.au
I feel for you Jennifer! Things on top of each other like that have a way of getting to you. I know that all too well as July isn’t a good month for our family either. I’m so glad you can write about this time and your memories must help a little. Take care.xx
My memories are definitely comforting Deb. Wishing you well also. Thanks for popping in again.
A lovely post – bittersweet as you say. I imagine your Dad’s passing gave your Camino a whole new layer of meaning and purpose. To have anniversaries on such special days too – the 4th and the 14th.
Thanks for popping in again Jo and for your lovely comments
Jennifer, I hope writing down your feelings and the happy memories give you some comfort. #lifethisweek
Hi Natalie I do find a comfort in writing about the pain
Months when things accumulate are really hard. I wonder how my husband and his mother will cope – both of his maternal grandparents are in their 90s now so as much as it sounds bad to think it … we’re reaching a point of inevitability.
It’s not easy whatever the age Vanessa. Thanks for visiting
Hi Jen – I’m so sorry for your losses – children should never pass before their parents. I’m fortunate not to have lost anyone I love dearly yet, but as my mother ages I know the time will come and I’m dreading it. I truly hope your good memories help comfort you when the sadness threatens to overwhelm you xx
I have many happy memories to sustain me Leanne. Thanks for popping in again
Oh my this is a sad yet loved filled post. The photos you did have arelovely, Thank you for your generous sharing.
Thank you for linking up for #lifethisweek #199. Next week, the optional prompt is Food. Hope to see you there. Denyse.
What a lovely thing to say Denyse. Thank you so much. Not sure about food, but I’ll be there next week with something.
It’s okay to be sad and I hope writing this post helps you get through this month. That is a gorgeous photo of Craig.
Writing about it does help Veronica. I’m pleased you like the photo of my boy
So sorry that July is such a difficult month for you – such a bittersweet post. The pictures are lovely and although you don’t have many, I bet you have a treasure trove of memories that you keep in your heart.
You’re right Sam. I have many beautiful memories.
Oh Jen, I hadn’t realised you had lost all those photos of Craig! My heart breaks reading that, I know photos are so special. Memories of loss are certainly bittersweet…a good memory is quickly followed by a sense of what you’ve lost. Camino memories must also be bittersweet as they are forever intertwined with the loss of your dear dad. Think of you often my dear friend x
Thanks for popping in again Sue. We have more in common it seems, these days, then we ever would have thought. I have a few photos that people gave me after the fire. What I do have is a good memory