Recently, I’ve been thinking about seniors exercising, and perhaps taking up an exercise program for the first time. I really do understand how daunting it can be to walk into a gym for the first time. It can feel very confronting at any age, and I’m sure it’s more confronting again, for people in their later years.
This reminded me of a blog post I saw a couple of years ago, but didn’t keep. A google search led me to it again. It was on the blog of Erica Millard.
Below is an exact repost of her blog post.
Dear New Girl at the Gym,
You stand across from me in boot camp or on the treadmill next to me or a few bikes over in spin. I have never seen you before, but here you are. I can tell by the look on your face you are embarrassed. Embarrassed that you can’t do a pushup or don’t know how to adjust your bike or that you walk on the treadmill when the girl on the other side of you runs for a full hour at the speed of a cheetah. You look around and wonder what on earth you are doing here. You glance at me and I smile, but you look away pretending you didn’t see, because that would mean I noticed you. Maybe you are discouraged. Maybe you tell yourself this was a huge mistake and you’re going to ask for your money back. Maybe you wonder if I’m judging you.
I am not.
I want you to know how proud I am of you. You see, even though it might not seem like it, none of us are judging you. Why? Because so many of us were just like you. We know what it is like. We know how hard it is, especially in the beginning. Really we do. Maybe you woke up one day weighing forty pounds more than you did five years ago. I have been there. Maybe you stepped on the scale at the doctor’s office, had the nurse cluck her tongue, and then had the doctor say something like, “Now let’s talk about your weight.” I have been there. Maybe you recently had a baby, and you wonder if there will ever be a time when you don’t have to tuck your stomach into your pants. I have been there. Maybe you get half way through the warm up in a group fitness class and wonder if you are this out of breath now, is a full hour going to kill you? I have been there. Maybe money and time are tight and the idea of spending $30-$70 a month and an hour a day on yourself feels awfully selfish. I have been there. So many of us have.
You see us running or biking or lifting weights, and may feel discouraged or that we are judging you. Please, please, PLEASE know that we are not, because so many of us have been in your same shoes. You see us for what we are now, but many of us started out just like you, on a journey to find our best selves.
Please come back. I know it is hard, but it will get better, I promise.
And then you will wake up one day and wonder when you became that person. You know that person who can jog a few miles or do a whole spin class or even do boot camp without being sore the next day. And you will be the one, standing across the room, smiling at the new girl hoping she knows how lovely and wonderful and brave she is. Hoping she knows she is worth all the work. Because you are. You are so worth it. You deserve to be your healthiest self.
Now there might come a time and a place where someone will judge you, even someone at the gym. Maybe they make rude comments or give you that look. Maybe they have never known what it feels like to struggle with their weight. Maybe they have low self-esteem. Maybe they have never eaten an entire pan of brownies by themselves (I have) or an entire bag of Halloween candy before a single trick or treater came to their door (I have). Maybe they forgot what it was like to be the new girl. Please, don’t waste your time on them. You are on a journey to be your best self, and they don’t belong on your journey. Find people and a place where you can begin where you are.
Come back. You are so worth it.
What an encouraging post Jen and yes I felt like that when I first started at the gym or bootcamp. I was always the oldest by about 15 years at bootcamp and thought that people would laugh at me. I was wrong! They encouraged me and because I gave everything a try were inspired by my determination. I often talk about how we can be an inspiration to others even when we don’t realise it. When someone is new to the gym people don’t judge, they look at them, especially if they are older and say ‘wow good for them!’. A great reminder and thanks for sharing at Midlife Share the Love Party. #MLSTL
I’ve been there too Sue. Like you I’m usually the oldest. My friends who I workout with are usually younger also. The negative thought about not belonging are just in our heads. Most people are inspired by someone having a go no matter their age
Just…..WOW! That is a beautiful post, and really just what I needed to hear. I’ve been the new girl. Then I got a personal trainer, who kicked my a$$ around the gym for awhile, teaching me to hate it. What it did for me was to give me at least some confidence that I knew my way around the weight room and the machines. Now I haven’t been to the gym in a while, and I need to go – to be the new girl AGAIN! The machines have changed, the people have changed, but being the new girl has not. Thanks for the inspiration! ~ Lynn
Thanks for your comments Lynn. I hope you are inspired to get back to the gym. Just remember that everyone else in the room has been the new girl at some point.
Hi. Visiting from MLSTL and so glad I did. This brought tears to my eyes. Thanks for finding it and sharing!
So pleased you dropped by and enjoyed the post Pat.
Ah, I just loved this message, thank you for sharing it. I’ve been attending the same gym since 2008 and have seen a lot of men and women come and go. Many have looked uncomfortable and inwardly, like the post, I applaud them for just being there. Saw this on #MLSTL
Pleased you enjoyed the letter Terri. Years ago when I worked in a gym, I was aware of the numbers who came for a couple of weeks and then just fell away. They obviously didn’t get past the feeling of not fitting in
So encouraging. I think we’ve all been in that sorry place and felt embarassed. And the feeling can come back again and again. This is a good reminder to chat to people, to ask how they are, to notice and just be kind on a daily basis, not just in the gym but in life. In fact this post is a good metaphor for that really. Great post – you made me think 🙂
Pleased you enjoyed the letter Jo. It has also been adapted as Letter To New Girl Running. I agree it fits most areas of life
What an absolutely wonderful letter Erica wrote. Thank you for reposting it.
The letter definitely says it all Karen
When I was younger I did feel insecure at the gym but after years of starting and stopping at the gym, none of it phases me anymore. I always try to welcome new people because of how I felt when I was younger. I love this letter and hope it reaches those who need to hear what it says.
Great to hear your experience Victoria. I started out in the same way, feeling. Wry intimidated, even though I’m perfectly at home in any gym now. Unfortunately many new gym members fall away before they start to feel that they fit in
Wonderful post….at age 70 and living in a rural area, I don’t have easy access to a gym. So I have to settle for our elliptical and doing some yoga in the bedroom. We need to just keep moving! #MLSTL visitor
Yes you’re right Donna. We just have to move. It’s not complicated at all
Ummm…just wow! I love this.
Thanks Jo. I loved it too as soon as I read it
That was great – I’ll never be the new girl at the gym because the idea of going to a gym just doesn’t fill me with any joy at all. But I have been the new girl at a lot of other things and it was a great reminder to be an encourager and a cheerleader to others who come after me. My DIL has just taken up blogging and it’s been wonderful to be able to smooth the way for her so she didn’t have to go through the huge learning curve that I did when I started. And to reassure her that her tribe will come with time etc.
Thanks for linking up with us at #MLSTL and I’ve shared this on my SM xx
Leanne | http://www.crestingthehill.com.au
I’m past gyms now too Leanne. Though I do love my home gym. How exciting that your DIL has taken up blogging. And how great for her to have you to guide her.
Oh my, that is why I didn’t start my exercise program at the gym! But, maybe it is time to give it a go. It is far more pleasant there, in the rainy winters of Vancouver, than running on the streets.
I’ve been to Vancouver in winter Christine. Yes you would definitely need to exercise inside in winter. Thanks for visiting
This is FABULOUS!! And while I continue to hear those negative voices in my head (which is why I try to work out at home rather than in public) … it is nice to know that there are kind souls out there who completely understand where I’m coming from. Thank you for the encouragement to take those small steps toward better physical health.
Sometimes those tiny voices in our head can scream at us. Thanks for visiting
That was so good and refreshing to read! I think we think we are all ‘standing out’ because of age, weight or whatever…and in fact, every.single.person. is doing/thinking that.
Once we can overcome that self-centred approach and reach out to other how much more do we gain from this! A lot.
Thank you. Found you via #MLSTL party!
Denyse
Denyse showing kindness and support to others can only benefit everyone. There should be more of it
I really appreciated reading this beautiful letter. I have often felt embarrassed and insecure at the gym. I once wrote a post about my own gymtimidation. Age has eased my fears somewhat. I swim now and I am a really good swimmer so I am more comfortable than when I am around weights and machines that confuse me.
From the comment received it seems that many experience ‘gymtimidation’. I love that word by the way. Great that you have found an activity that you’re good at and where you’re comfortable. I’m hoping to take up swimming again soon
This is so true! It doesn’t just have to apply at those going to a gym though, we all struggle at times being the new girl! #mlstl
I love this post. I have been that new girl and I have been the one who is now comfortable and encouraging the next new girl. Thanks for sharing this!
Christie it does seem to resonate with both gym newbies and those always ready to offer encouragement
I really enjoyed reading this perspective and can relate to it. It’s daunting enough being the new girl at anything, let alone in this environment. I’ve shared for #mlstl
Being the new girl is confronting no matter the age. Thanks for sharing Deb