You may not have noticed, but I haven’t posted for two weeks. Please don’t worry. There is nothing at all wrong. I just felt that I needed to take some time out to catch up on a few things that have been getting out of hand and that have been doing my head in a bit.
I’ve posted previously that I don’t sleep well. That hasn’t changed. If anything I’ve been getting less sleep than usual lately. I’m sure it’s because of all that ‘stuff’ that swims around in my head. It all became a bit much, and I decided that I needed to take a little time out for self care. Time to not have to worry about blog post ideas and deadlines. Time to not have to worry about the direction of this blog. Time to just do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted to do it. Most importantly, time to get those things done that have been piling up around me.
Inside My Head
- Spring: This spring, the garden has been looking the best it has ever looked, due to having more time for all those never ending garden jobs. I’ve been making a few plans and changing a few things, so the garden has been in my mind constantly. Most days would find me out there all day. Some days are hard work, and other days are simply a pleasure. Longer extended hours in the garden were part of my ‘self care’ plan, so, I felt the need to take the time out to do this without having to worry about everything else in my life.
- Blogs: Many will say ‘I told you so’ I’m sure, but I’ve been struggling a bit trying to keep three blogs going. Keeping them going is easy enough, but trying to keep to a standard has been difficult. As I’ve said before, I really love and cherish the network side of blogging, and the wonderful friends I’ve made. I’ve been finding it difficult trying to keep up with making and replying to comments on all three blogs. My latest blog, Best Bookish Blog, celebrated it’s one year anniversary in January this year. I have really loved having this blog, but after giving it lots of thought during my time out, I have decided to discontinue it, as I’m not able to give it the time that it needs. As an avid reader, I’ve enjoyed writing reviews and posting about the books that I’ve been reading, so I have decided to include the occasional post about books and reading here on this blog. After all, reading is a huge part of my life, and this blog is about my life. My family history blog Tracking Down The Family, is going stronger than ever, as I’ve been able to devote more time to genealogy, while in isolation. I feel comfortable again with two blogs, and feel sure that continuing with just the two, will ease the stress.
- Work: I’ve spent many hours this year thinking about work. Being in isolation has been a good practice run for being in retirement, with the difference being that this time has been ‘covid time’. It’s not really accurate to compare practicing for retirement during covid, to real time retirement, post covid. Although I could easily imagine this being my new way of life, I’m not sure yet whether I’m ready to give up work altogether. I’m very aware that once I step out of the workforce, I won’t ever be able to step back in. Over the past few weeks, I have been feeling that I need time out from thinking about this problem. I still haven’t made a decision, but have decided to just let the decision come to me, when the time is right.
- Grief: This probably sounds a bit silly, but it’s the way I’ve been feeling, and I did make a pledge to myself many years ago, to just accept the way I’m feeling about this on any given day. On 2 November, it was 25 years since my son, Craig, died in a car accident. You would think that after 25 years, the worst of the grief would be over, but real life just doesn’t work that way. The grief is never ending, and if anything, it seems to me, that it gets worse as time goes on. My feelings of grief also bring up concerns of my own mortality. This year, I was a bit overwhelmed about it and really didn’t want to talk or write about it. This was the catalyst for me deciding to take time out.
- Covid-19: Possibly this feeling of overwhelm is a result of living almost a full year under the threat of the corona virus, and the long, worrying year of being in isolation. It’s been a difficult year, least of all for me. Our life during lock down has been very livable and not at all difficult. We have plenty of space around us and can easily be isolated. Despite this, it has been a worrying year that I will be happy to wave off on New Years Eve.
All of the above thoughts are now in the past, as much as they can be. I’ve spent those hours in the garden, thinking and deciding on my priorities, and how they will show up for me in the future.
I’m happy to be back after a two week hiatus, feeling fresh and keen to post away until the end of the year. By the way, New Years Eve is only only 32 days away! Now, that’s a scary thought. I’m also very excited to catch up with my blogging friends. I have missed reading their blogs and am looking forward to catching up on the posts that I’ve missed over the past two weeks.
Do you sometimes have feelings of overwhelm? How do you handle them? I’d love to hear your ideas. I love it when we interact and have a conversation, and promise to reply to all comments.
Link to My Family History Blog
This post is linked to Denyse’s Life This Week
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